losing someone + healing

M I K A E L A

i give you permission

to fall apart.

i give you permission

to break into millions of pieces.

let your heart come out of your chest

and shatter when it hits the floor.

do not try and catch it.

feel the numbness

feel the helplessness

feel the world crumbling around you

then when you think you’re done crying.

cry some more.

do not stop crying

until you physically can not cry anymore.

then pick yourself up.

put your heart back in your chest–

time will bring the pieces back together.

move forward.

move on.

be healed.

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Light and Darkness: The Passing Storm

There are pieces of me still slipping into the darkness. The tools to heal are within and around me. Yet, I still feel that darkness pulling tiny bits of me when I let my walls come down.

Past: My darkness. Although, there will always be some inside me. I am slowly learning to balance this with the light.

Present: The growth, letting the light fill me and sprout the most beautiful creation that I could become.

Future: Transformation and continuing to learn acceptance. Acceptance for knowing that my mental health will always be something I have to fight with. But with each fall I will rise faster, higher, and burning brighter than before.

Constant Longing for Change

This stagnant feeling begins to creep in

I’m outgrowing my surroundings again

I have to leave

My fear of being stuck in one place has ruled my life

Grateful for this aspect of my being

I’ll gladly pick up and leave the past behind

Maybe I’ll think of you when I hear that song

But I will never regret leaving somewhere that I no longer belong

Sparks

Blue Fences

They could breathe fire when things transpired.

Much more than drama…

They spit lava on top of the trauma.

Flames fly and blaze lies.

Smoke swells when flames die.

Slept in ashes. Rolled in dust.

Incinerated trust.

Faith obliterated from doubts reinterred. Any sudden motions triggered explosions.

But so afraid of being frozen…

Watched elders grown old in a love that grew cold.

Quivering hearts in ice covered mold.

So they Singed bridges and scorched buildings.

Dragons dragging damage down deadly ditches.

Burning blessings and mistaking stresses for life lessons.

Never weary of defeat

They fell in love with the heat

And burned in peace.

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Forgive me

One day the absurdity of the almost universal human belief in the slavery of other animals will be palpable. We shall then have discovered our souls and become worthier of sharing this planet with them.

Martin Luther King Jr.

Your life has been short and cruel. I used to pay for this to happen, but now I will fight for you until I die. This is the least that you deserve, beautiful soul.

Adventuring Between Black and White / Living with BPD

Lately I’ve been going through a numerous amount of changes, one of them being this blog. I used to love writing in school but over the years I became insecure about how I write. Am I good enough? Can I find the right words to fit what I’m feeling? Being someone that lives with borderline personality disorder, I struggle putting my feelings into words. The reason I chose the name Adventuring Between Black and White is because that is exactly what I’m doing. People that live with BPD tend to see things as either really good or really bad (black and white). This is me working on that mind set, let’s see how it goes.